Greetings, Miss MannersWe received an invitation to a very close friend’s son’s wedding. It stated, “Attire: evening cocktail — slacks, cocktail dresses, jackets, etc.” when I went online to RSVP.
Even for funerals, we never dress like that. But we always look good! We don’t want to spend money on clothes that are either unfit for us or that we will never wear again. Never. How can I turn down the invitation without hurting my friend or her son?
PERSONAL READER:Regretfully, we will not be able to attend.
She doesn’t want to be reprimanded for an attempt that is simply not you, but Miss Manners would advise that this be written in a letter rather than a text or social media post. Never.
Greetings, Miss MannersWhen I bumped into Chloe, a friend, she asked whether I knew her buddy Nicole. I acknowledged knowing Nicole. “Nicole is the best, isn’t she?” Chloe went on to say.
I nodded and gave a feeble smile. I am aware that Nicole is a liar and gossip who will disparage someone as soon as they turn their back on her.
Sensing my lack of enthusiasm, Chloe continued to rave about Nicole’s amazing qualities. Once more, I said, “That’s great,” with a courteous smile. Despite her perplexed expression, Chloe stopped talking.
Could I have handled the matter more effectively? I don’t want to spread rumors about Nicole, but I also didn’t want to act as though I loved someone who I had seen being cruel for fun.
PERSONAL READER:You might have risked the danger of Nicole finding out if you had said anything further. You should count yourself fortunate that Chloe used caution and stopped pushing, Miss Manners says.
Greetings, Miss MannersI remarked the early arrival times at airports to a friend, adding that I like to use that time to unwind and observe other people. She responded with a terrible, disparaging remark about observing obese, unattractive people. “All they need to do is eat less,” she remarked.
I was taken aback and unsure of how to react. After a few seconds, I just remarked, “Ouch!” and shifted the conversation.
However, I came to the realization that I have no idea how to react to discriminatory remarks. Silence, in my opinion, implies agreement, and I don’t want to imply that I agree with deplorable, uninformed remarks.
PERSONAL READER:In this instance, you may have exclaimed, Oh! You don’t think I’m so cruel, surely! and shifted the conversation.
A convenient all-purpose disclaimer for rude or biased words is the equivalent: I do not share your sentiment. However, Miss Manners goes on to advise you to make better acquaintances.
Greetings, Miss MannersI complimented a certain employee at a nearby restaurant’s corporate office. This employee thanked me and offered to give me a free supper if I asked for her the next time I was in.
Should I accept the offer even if I don’t want her to think I gave her a compliment in order to receive something for free?
PERSONAL READER:You can tell her what you told Miss Manners if it helps you feel better. However, politely accept the complimentary dinner and value the infrequent instance of two well-meaning people showing kindness to one another. Just remember to tip so as not to ruin the pleasant vibes.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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