Greetings, Miss MannersMy parents requested if they might spend a couple nights with my fiancee and myself two months ago. (They reside in a separate region of the nation.) We decided after consulting with my fiancée, and my parents will be visiting for four nights.
My fiancé revealed last week that her mother and sister, who also reside in a different region of the nation, would be visiting the area on each end of a trip. Although we have decided to host them for one night, my parents’ visit falls on the other night.
When my parents are coming, my fiancé wants to offer to host them. Instead, I propose that we cover the cost of a hotel stay.
Several problems are involved: For starters, my parents have never been here, and my fiancee’s mother spent more than a week with us in the spring. Additionally, since we only have one guest bed, someone would have to sleep on the floor on an air mattress.
What’s really going on, though, is that these in-law groups have never met. Rather than having everyone crammed into our tiny house, I believe it would be better to introduce everyone over dinner, following which they may all withdraw to their respective spaces. Am I being cruel and unkind?
PERSONAL READER:After millennia of requesting, Miss Manners has realized that the genie of folklore might have started fulfilling wishes based on an excessively literal interpretation of summoners’ demands. Do you truly want that?
She doesn’t know whether you’re being ungenerous or cruel. Additionally, she believes that a lot of the things you bring up would only make the already packed house hotter without addressing the main issue.
The query is, “Dearest, don’t you think that a nice dinner, rather than squabbling over towels in the bathroom, is the best way for our parents to meet for the first time?” Since her parents’ stay is shorter, this will logically lead to a motel for them.
Greetings, Miss MannersMy best friend has asked me to officiate her wedding to a guy I detest, and I’m at a loss. I’m not sure if I should try to avoid the situation or tell her the truth.
PERSONAL READER:Further investigation into the cause of your distaste is necessary because they are connected but distinct issues.
If your objections include facts that she does not have and that would provide a good basis to call off the wedding—for instance, if you and her fiancé are still legally married—you should definitely let your friend know.
If your disapproval solely impacts you, you may come up with a less honest but equally likely explanation for why you don’t want to ruin your friend’s day. It may be that you don’t think you could completely appreciate her happiness if you were officiating.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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