Greetings, Miss MannersI went to a BBQ with my husband’s coworkers and their families last summer. I met the wife of a coworker who was wearing a T-shirt honoring the premature loss of a close cousin a year before. It was heartbreaking for her and the rest of the family, according to what my husband had informed me at the time.
Even though I always take care to offer condolences, I was at a loss this time and said nothing. There were several reasons for this, including the fact that I had never met the woman before (I hardly knew her husband), and the fact that the celebration was informal and joyous, with little to no conversation between us. Furthermore, I believe it would have been weird for a stranger to make an unexpected remark about her personal grief, even though I don’t think my husband went too far in telling me what she had gone through.
However, she had on a blouse that had his name along with the dates of his birth and death! Did I make the correct decision? Or should I have apologized for her loss and acknowledged her relative in passing?
I hope I didn’t make a mistake because she and her husband are such sweet people.
PERSONAL READER:Instantaneous, required instructions are not usually conveyed via t-shirt slogans. Perhaps because the wearers discovered they didn’t really want outsiders to comply, Miss Manners has seen that announcements like Kiss me, I’m Irish (or Italian, or whatever) have virtually vanished.
This woman may have simply picked up the clothing because it was convenient a year after the tragedy. It was up to you whether or not to comment on it.
But Miss Manners will use this chance to remind her readers once more of the significance of condolence letters. One can avoid the discomfort of bringing up the tragedy later in a happier context by properly expressing sympathies at the moment it happened. However, because you are cautious when offering condolences, Miss Manners believes your husband has already done so.
Greetings, Miss MannersI often find myself eating a big piece of meat on top of an overflowing bowl, whether it’s a large piece of grilled chicken on an overflowing salad bowl or tennis-ball-sized meatballs precariously poised on a full bowl of pasta, in both casual and fancy restaurants.
How should the highlighted protein be cut? Should I put it on a bread plate so my dinner guests can see me chopping? Or should I eat around the meat till I can see the bottom of the dish?
GENTLE READER: Using your knife and fork, gently push the meat into smaller bits on top of the remaining food. This should accomplish this without, of course, spilling the remainder of the dish.
The benefit of this approach is that it guarantees that every protein bite is accompanied with some pasta or salad, which is typically the original purpose of the addition. The bread platter is typically too tiny, therefore Miss Manners advises asking the waitress for another plate if the task is impossible. You can also ask if the meat is pre-cut before placing your order.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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