Greetings, Miss MannersWould you be able to advise me on how to handle current snoopers?
I bought my wife a Christmas present, and I caught her red-handed with it. I had made it clear to her where it was concealed so she wouldn’t unintentionally stumble upon it, but it seems that I lost faith in her.
When I informed her that I would be returning the present, she became furious, but I didn’t think it was inappropriate. To put it mildly, she became really vulgar and personal. I have no doubt about how improper her response was, so I don’t need to reiterate anything.
I would like to know if it is improper to return a gift that has been (deliberately) found. What is the appropriate protocol for snooping around?
GENTLE READER: Whoa. Miss Manners is glad she won’t have to answer questions about that obscene behavior. She will just think about what to do with the present because it seems like you are not thinking about taking your wife back to where you found her.
Allowing her to retain the gift once she finds it might be a kinder—and possibly more acceptable—solution, leaving her with nothing to open on Christmas.
Greetings, Miss MannersMy financial advisor sent me a Christmas greeting card and an insulated coffee cup with his company’s logo on it. For many years, I have had a cordial and polite business connection with this person.
I had no intention of thanking you for the present or exchanging cards. However, I questioned whether he should receive a thank-you message for the present as well as for the years of outstanding work.
Fortunately, neither he nor my insurance agent or dentist send birthday greetings.
PERSONAL READER: Miss Manners feels that what you received is advertising rather than a thoughtfully thoughtful gift deserving of a heartfelt expression of gratitude, despite her loath to discourage reciprocity and thankfulness.
She does, however, think it is appropriate to express gratitude to those who deliver exceptional service. You can do this near the end of the year without bringing up Christmas if you’re worried about drawing in additional things with your logo.
Greetings, Miss MannersWhen I got a present, my mother instilled in me the habit of writing a thank-you message. As a new business owner, I have given my 65 clients holiday presents.
Thank-you emails from the receivers have been flooding my inbox ever since. My mother, who insists on handwritten notes, would have been appalled by this, but I was genuinely happy and moved that my clients valued my gift.
Should I reply to the emails expressing gratitude? I don’t believe I would be required to reply if they were handwritten letters. However, it feels odd to read the emails without getting a response as a client-focused business owner. What are your thoughts?
PERSONAL READER:Well, Miss Manners simply stated that it was optional to express gratitude for business gifts. She is happy that you liked getting them, but don’t complain about the casual approach taken. Additionally, praising them for their gratitude would just confuse them.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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