Greetings, Miss MannersI’m a 67-year-old male who frequently works out at a gym. The gym is open around-the-clock, and since it isn’t always staffed, members must access using a key fob.
At nine o’clock at night, I was working out, and the only other person there was a pretty young woman, most likely in her forties. We said hello to each other. After my workout, I became aware that I didn’t feel safe leaving a young woman there by herself at night. Her going outside to her automobile by herself particularly worried me.
I waited for her to finish so I could make sure she made it to her car safely after my workout, sitting on a bench by the door. As she concluded her workout, Miss Manners, I silently glanced at my phone instead of continuing our conversation. I didn’t do her any harm.
“Good night,” she said as she walked out of the building. After that, I kept an eye on her from the gym to make sure she got into her car securely. I left as she drove away. To avoid giving the impression that I was attempting to follow her, I purposefully waited until her car had driven away before I left.
A few days later, the owner of the gym came up to me and told me to leave right away after working out and not to stay. “This is for everyone’s safety,” he stated.
Be careful! That’s precisely why I was hanging around!
Did I make a mistake here? Is it improper for a male to attempt to protect a woman? I believed I was acting chivalrously.
PERSONAL READER:How could the young woman have known that?
What do you look like, loitering about the gym when she is by herself, if she, like you, is concerned about odd males pursuing her?
Miss Manners advocates for people to look out for each other. The problem with chivalry, however, is that the lady is not consulted when the chevalier makes decisions about her best interests.
You may have said, “I could stay and watch from the window to make sure you’re okay if you’re worried about safety in the parking lot.”
Greetings, Miss MannersIs telling an elderly person that she looks young for her age impolite?
PERSONAL READER:Can’t you just compliment her on her appearance?
Miss Manners is aware that most individuals are charmed to appear younger than they actually are since society views growing older as a shame.
People who disagree with that assumption, however, find it condescending to be treated as though they do—for example, being called a young lady or young man when one is clearly not. Furthermore, a complement doesn’t need to include that.
Greetings, Miss MannersThe husband of my challenging mother-in-law passed away. She never seems to appreciate whatever I do for her and always wants more, therefore I don’t want to do anything for her. However, because she is elderly and alone, I feel sorry for her.
Although there are two sisters, they are not related to her. I don’t understand. What ought I to do?
PERSONAL READER:Other than encouraging your husband to assist their mother, is that what you mean?
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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