Greetings, Miss MannersAfter waiting for someone to finish speaking, one of my in-laws will speak on a totally other topic. No “interesting,” “hmm,” or any other ambiguous term to recognize what the other person was discussing.
For instance, he will bring up an irrelevant local news story when someone mentions an impending job interview. He’ll start talking about a movie series if they tell everyone about a fantastic new restaurant.
His wife claims that he is doing this because he is at a loss for words. Would it be considered impolite if one of us wanted to return to the topic before he altered it?
PERSONAL READER:Depending on how you handle it, yes. Miss Manners wouldn’t want it to appear as though you were treating him in the same way.
She recommends demonstrating the proper approach to start a discussion by saying, “I’ve been meaning to try that restaurant Caroline mentioned, but I’d love to hear more about that movie series, Jackson.” They have good hummus, you say?
Greetings, Miss MannersEveryone, especially the children, gets restless waiting for my family member since she eats so slowly. Only after everyone else has eaten does she begin to eat in earnest. As everyone observes, she chews extremely slowly and takes tiny mouthful.
It seems attention-seeking and domineering. How can I courteously begin dessert service before she’s done?
PERSONAL READER:Addressing the restless children in a loud voice, regardless of whether they requested, Miss Manners recommends saying, I don’t want to hurry Cousin Sophie, but normally we wait until everyone has finished eating. Sophie, if you don’t mind, we’ll begin washing the dishes. But when you’re ready for dessert, do let us know.
Greetings, Miss MannersWhen we go out to dine, my husband flirts with other women, whether they are patrons or employees of the restaurant, while seated across the table from me. How do I respond to him?
PERSONAL READER:Put an end to it.
Greetings, Miss MannersMy husband and I had supper with our daughter, her boyfriend, her friend, and the friend’s mother while she was visiting our graduate-student daughter. We have had a few encounters with the mother, who is a single mom.
As a matter of courtesy, my spouse and I decided to pay for the supper. However, after giving it some thought, we understood that we probably would have divided the check if the friend’s mother had a husband.
Furthermore, the friend’s mother is extremely wealthy—indeed, more so than we are. How do we handle the check if we ever find ourselves going out again?
PERSONAL READER:Who is sending out the invitations? Regardless of marital status or money, this is usually the person who is responsible for making the payment.
Although it would be polite for this woman to return the favor, Miss Manners advises you to balance the possibility of paying her share—and feeling resentful—against your daughter’s friend’s unhappiness about her mother being left out.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Other advice columns
Note: Every piece of content is rigorously reviewed by our team of experienced writers and editors to ensure its accuracy. Our writers use credible sources and adhere to strict fact-checking protocols to verify all claims and data before publication. If an error is identified, we promptly correct it and strive for transparency in all updates, feel free to reach out to us via email. We appreciate your trust and support!