Greetings, Miss MannersEvery minor accomplishment should be celebrated like a small wedding, according to several of our pals. They host parties and include a wish list with hundreds of possible gifts with each invitation. There are always birthday parties, gender-reveal parties, housewarming parties, and baby showers (where each child is frequently asked to bring a package of diapers and a present).
I should add that there is never a thank-you card given out. Never. No, they say, “Thank you for coming.” No genuine gratitude is shown for gifts or attendance.
Although I feel bad for turning down these invitations, I genuinely think they are only gift-grabbing occasions. If there was a sense of sincere gratitude, I do believe my feelings would change.
Although I would prefer to simply decline the invitations, I’ve been told that I should explain my decision to the host.
PERSONAL READER:It’s true that some people view life as a sequence of occasions to grab gifts. Others believe that people simply get married, go to school, or have kids to get money from other people.
That’s a lot of nasty stuff to put on everyday life milestones.
Miss Manners regrettably observes that it does seem like your pals are acting in that manner. Their priorities are clearly stated by the fact that they are able to continue sending out their shopping lists without receiving any feedback from the targeted customers.
It makes sense that you don’t want to encourage their avarice. Refusing their invitations, as you have done, is the only courteous way to let them know that. Furthermore, they are not paying attention.
Wait a minute—Miss Manners just came up with another courteous method.
Although they are customary, presents are not required. Thus, you may decide not to expand the warehouse but still go to the parties. You could answer, “I’m just happy to celebrate with you,” if your friend were to be so impolite as to bring up the omission. You have a lot of stuff, I realize that.
Well, perhaps not.
Greetings, Miss MannersTo honor my pregnancy, I would like to have a coed party. It’s not a baby shower: I don’t want presents, and I don’t want anybody else to have to take care of the arrangements. And not a gender-reveal party, as I find those to be a little awkward and highlight something that doesn’t really matter to me. That’s out, too.
What should I call this gathering?
PERSONAL READER:The baby must be named, so why do you feel the need to name the party?
Miss Manners is aware of the solution. Just-for-fun parties have been replaced by cooperative meals and restaurant outings as the norm for socializing. Milestone celebrations are an exception, so you feel compelled to mention them, but as you point out, there are expectations associated with them.
All you want is to enjoy yourself with your buddies. In light of this, Miss Manners advises that you just halt the celebration.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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