To Annie, please:My sister wants me to force my son to hang out with her son and his pals. When they were younger, our sons, who are now in their early 20s, spent a lot of time together. I adore her son, who has autism spectrum disorder and struggled with emotional control as a youngster and adolescent. He has much more control over these problems now that he is a young adult, but regrettably, his friends do not completely understand this and frequently ignore him. She has texted me nasty things on multiple occasions because she is angry.
Although I try my best to get my kid to include his nephew, I don’t think I have the right to make him hang out with him because of his age. My sister is furious with my son and me. Is there something I’m missing? Should I be doing anything more? — A depressed sister
To My Sad Sister:like an adult who makes his own decisions, you can’t force your son to include his cousin, but you may explain to him why it’s necessary, like you did in this case. There is always hope that he will learn the lesson as he matures and develops a broader perspective, even if he doesn’t do so now.
To Annie, please:I decided to leave a 25-year abusive marriage two and a half years ago, which was a risky and challenging decision.
My younger brother rescued me. In order to give me the security and said love I needed to start anew at age sixty-three, he and his spouse welcomed me into their house!
After a few years, a divorce, and a relatively tiny property settlement, I’ve observed a shift in my sister-in-law. She often finds completely absurd problems with myself and other people, and her anger manifests itself in tantrums and aggressive driving. She got into a battle in the neighborhood grocery shop, for instance, because someone was moving too slowly to acquire a basket.
I hear and sense the anger! She is bipolar, has terrible mood swings, and seems kind and cheerful with my brother but cruel and aloof when he isn’t around.
Confrontation is not my style! With my ex, I’ve been there and done that. I shut down right away when someone starts acting in this way. Nothing that I could say or do would improve the situation. She believes that everyone else is to blame for her terrible behavior.
For me, PTSD to the fullest! Every time she acts in this manner, I am reminded of terrible incidents from the more than two decades of abuse I have endured. I don’t have the money to find a place to live on my own because I’m currently just on SSA. I need your assistance to go through this dilemma without losing my only sibling. — A sister-in-law who exhibits significant mood swings
Dear Sister-in-Law Who Experiences Significant Mood Swings:Your sister-in-law’s sudden behavioral shift is very worrisome, and it’s critical that she is collaborating with her physician and a mental health specialist to manage her bipolar disease. Ask your brother if he has observed any changes in his wife’s conduct, without pointing fingers or making any allegations. If so, he can assist her in receiving the necessary medical care.
Annie Lane’s “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is her second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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