To Annie, please:How do I even begin? For the past fifteen years, my elderly friend has been emotionally draining me. Although we knew each other and lived next door, we never went anywhere or did anything together. Until one fall day when she totally lost her temper, our friendship consisted of giving small gifts or cards for occasions like birthdays, and that was okay. In front of the neighbors, she began yelling and yelling, saying horrible things. I left her outside and went inside while she continued her tirade because I was so angry.
I started to distance myself from her after that happened because I felt so wounded. Every time we chatted, I was cautious, but it was obvious that I was moving on and no longer wanted to be friends. She then appeared at my home one cold evening, sobbing and yelling as she attempted to make amends. It did not improve the situation; rather, it exacerbated it.
She continues to write to me in an effort to reestablish our connection. She won’t let go, even though I’ve severed all contact since it’s too emotionally taxing. We were never close, and the tension is getting to be too much for me.
Did I make the correct decision in letting her go? How can I put this behind me at last? Thank you. — An Elderly Former Friend
To My Former Friends:This connection has obviously had a significant impact on you, and you seem to have done your best to handle a challenging circumstance with tact. It’s normal to wonder if maintaining a friendship is the best course of action when it becomes emotionally taxing or one-sided, even if friendships can be lovely and rewarding.
It appears from what you’ve said that you’ve taken deliberate steps to safeguard your wellbeing and tranquility. Although leaving someone is difficult, particularly after many years, your emotional well-being is equally as vital as theirs. You’ve made an effort to politely distance yourself, and it’s okay to put your needs first when the friendship doesn’t feel helpful or healthy anymore.
Regarding if you’ve made the proper decision, it’s acceptable to end relationships that exhaust you. Even with the greatest of intentions, friends can occasionally grow apart or just not get along. You’ve given this relationship a lot of chances, and now you’re making the self-compassionate and healthy decision to walk on.
It’s crucial to uphold your limits if her attempts to reestablish contact are causing you to feel pressed for time or uneasy. Saying something like, “I appreciate the memories we’ve shared, but I’ve decided to move on,” is polite yet strong. I hope you find closure; I wish you well. If she keeps contacting you, it’s acceptable to cease replying, and you’re not required to restart a relationship that you’ve already ended.
Fundamentally, losing someone doesn’t make you a bad person; rather, it makes you human. Have faith in yourself and understand that sometimes the best loving thing you can do for the other person and yourself is to move on.
How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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