To Annie, please:At the moment, my mother-in-law resides with my spouse and me. She was divorcing her husband, who received a lot greater retirement than she did, and she was certain she couldn’t live alone, so she claimed she had to come in with us. Although she was the only owner of her home, she declined to live there because she believed the grounds would require too much maintenance. My husband was concerned that we might lose that relationship if we refused, and we thought she could live with us in harmony since she said she respected honesty and made concessions like us. In retrospect, we both realize that this was a mistake, but at the time, we had no grounds to question her.
She provided money to help us purchase the house, which was a significant source of contention. After we all moved in, we soon discovered that she is not who she seemed. She is cruel, spiteful, and cunning. She expects my husband to drop everything to help her with something, just like he did when he lived with her, even though he has autism and requires time to decompress. She turns icy and passive-aggressive when he says no. Our home becomes a battlefield as we attempt to draw boundaries.
Annie I suffer from PTSD. I have had a great deal of abuse in my life, so this type of dispute makes me quite vulnerable. Because I’m always in survival mode, I obsess over everything she does in an attempt to comprehend why I suffer panic attacks in my room. We are waiting for the divorce to be finalized and for her to have more money than she anticipated so that she will decide to leave because she hated living with us (something I’m not sure will happen, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it). We are afraid to try to kick her out because my husband is concerned about the impact the fallout will have on me.
How can I find serenity in the midst of all of this is my main concern. How do I take care of my spouse and myself without allowing her to keep ruining me? I’m having so much trouble with this that my husband and I are afraid of the consequences, so we don’t let friends or relatives around. All I want is some harmony with my spouse. — Lost in Drama
Dear Dramatic Drowning:You are currently in a state of uncertainty. You’re waiting for your living condition to shift and return to its previous state. It sounds like you will all benefit from your mother-in-law moving away. Repeat the serenity prayer as you wait: God, give me the insight to recognize the difference, the courage to change what I can, and the serenity to accept what I cannot.
How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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