To Annie, please:I’ve been married to my hubby for fourteen years. We both brought three children into our blended family after we were married, and he is nine years younger than I am. After my mother suffered a stroke, I took on the role of principal caretaker for the previous two years. I had already devoted a large portion of my time to taking care of my aging parents.
In addition to keeping active at work, my husband has always had his own interests. He has consistently expressed his understanding and support for me spending so much time with my parents, particularly now that our youngest child is nearly 17. I believed that we were on firm ground and that we had an understanding.
But he recently told me something that broke my heart: He claimed that he had never loved me. I was devastated to hear such remarks.
He has also been contacting another woman several times a day, sitting with her at ball games, and spending time with her in ways that feel extremely personal, I’ve found out. He denied that this was the cause of his divorce request when I questioned him, saying he had done nothing wrong. Additionally, he doesn’t want to work on our marriage and doesn’t really seem interested in talking about it.
Even though I’m sick of the deception and betrayal, I still adore him. I’m not sure how to make those feelings go away or what to do next. What can I do to get past this? Despite the fact that he checked out, should I continue to fight for our marriage? Or, even if I don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on him, is it time to let go?
I feel so disoriented and perplexed. Any guidance or wisdom would be much valued. — Disoriented and Perplexed
To the Confused and Lost:I’m very sorry your husband has put you through this, and I know it’s a really tough position. You feel betrayed and hurt, of course. You seem like a wonderful wife and daughter based on what you’ve said, and you most definitely don’t deserve this kind of treatment.
Nevertheless, it’s obvious that your husband has made his decision. You might have to give him the divorce and put your own needs first if he refuses to work on the marriage, no matter how awful it is. Remember that living a good life is the best approach to go forward.
Take care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Give yourself time and space to heal, and surround yourself with loving and supportive friends and family. Although it will be painful at the moment, you will probably find contentment and serenity outside of a relationship with someone who has proven to be self-centered and heartless in the long term.
You underestimate your strength, and better times are coming.
How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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