To Annie, please:I’m usually restricted to my house because I use a walker and have mobility concerns. I spend most of my time at home, although my son assists by taking me to the beauty parlor and sometimes to the drugstore or bank.
Two women unexpectedly knocked on my door today. My house was far from acceptable, and I hadn’t been awake long enough to dress for guests. I had just dropped a coffee cup, and the kitchen floor was covered in broken bits, and there were Christmas boxes everywhere. It goes without saying that I was in no condition to amuse anyone.
I didn’t answer the doorbell when they rang it. Not because I didn’t value their visit, but because of how unexpected the timing was. I would have had time to change, clean the living room, and get ready to host guests if I had known they were coming.
I’m now feeling bad and questioning whether I should have answered the door. Despite the confusion and my unease, should I have opened the door for them? When you’re just not prepared for company, how can you politely greet unexpected guests? — Feeling awkward
Dear Uncomfortable Feeling:Your decision to put your comfort and wellbeing first was completely appropriate. It can be difficult to handle unforeseen guests, particularly if you’re unprepared and have mobility concerns. Your decision to not answer the door at that particular moment is very understandable.
A polite way to deal with this in the future would be to thank the guests for coming and let them know that it wasn’t a nice time over the phone or via message. The majority of individuals will recognize and value your consideration.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to feel bad about setting limits and prioritizing your own needs.
To Annie, please:I’m having trouble deciding how to respond to this circumstance. After forty-four years of marriage, my husband and I have a son who is married and a grandchild. In order to be near our grandchild, we made the decision five years ago to relocate closer to our son’s family. My spouse, however, tells me once or twice a year that I destroyed his life by making him relocate. He calls me selfish for wanting to spend more time with our grandchild.
In addition, my husband has made it very apparent to me that he despises our son’s mother-in-law. If she will be present, he won’t go to holiday feasts. He has feelings for her mother, but our daughter-in-law doesn’t know it. Because of this circumstance, I’m always concerned about whether my husband will go to our grandson’s sporting events or activities if the other grandmother is there.
The strain of handling this continuing dispute has worn me out. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking of getting a divorce because I can’t stand to live with this ongoing stress and suffering.
I would be very grateful for any guidance you could provide. — Contemplating Divorce
To Thinking:I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. You seem to have had a significant emotional weight for a while. You deserve to have a peaceful and contented life because your feelings are important. Talk to your husband honestly about how you’re feeling.
To address these problems together, look for a qualified marriage therapist as well. In a secure, encouraging environment, a reputable therapist can also assist you in exploring your emotions and choices. Whichever route you go on, know that you are not alone and that a better future is possible.
Annie Lane’s “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is her second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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